Sickly

I woke up Monday morning in excruciating pain-so bad I had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. Once the CT was performed a large abdominal mass was discovered. I was given pain meds and sent home with a referral to a local ob/gyn. However, I am involved with a doctor who called a friend of his at Duke. She has agreed to take my case. I'm headed to Duke today. 

Dating in your 40's

I find dating in my 40s similar to dating in my 20s and 30s instead of meeting men in bars who wreck of alcohol I meet men on the internet. Holy shit what a different world some of these people come from... Especially me!!!

Internet dating can be divided into categories: 

men/women who genuinely want to b in a relationship 

Men/women checking out the concept of Internet dating- if they get s date great if not oh well

Men/women who troll - they typicAlly stay on the site forever- looking for sex, money, status, etc

Desperado- less attractive people who have not been lucky in love because of... Well just because.... 

I met an amazing man or so I thought... Joe! Actually he is a good man- we had fun together- he was free- me allowed me to be free.... Just one problem- the wife he no longer wanted to be married to... Getting rid of her was no easy task... Joe and I battled over her, laughed about her lack of pride, and even felt sorry for her... Nonetheless Joe was a good man!!! LOVED and still love his mother- beautiful person!!! 

Dr Dick- what a character- he described himself as a healer and I believe he is a healer!! He is an actual doctor of internal medicine. He happens to be the smartest person I have ever met... He can be fun, giving, funny, free, and kind... But Dick has a dark side- he's petty, scared, mean, and selfish!! 

I don't regret anything that happened in Savannah, GA. I'm thankful I didn't have to ride home with him..I'm also thankful he's no longer a part of my life. I don't want someone to be cruel to me, because they don't get their way... Oh I forgot to mention he's not a child-he's 60 something years old and acts like a spoiled brat. 

I forgave him when I probably shouldn't- in the past I would've tortured him the way a cat does a mouse or Frankie tortures lizards... After having cancer things changed--controlling another person doesn't have the same appeal in once did!!! 

Irony: Knoxville sucked with him.. Best part of the trip- the ride home with a complete stranger (who by the way- began calling and asking me out-asking me to meet him in Asheville- lmao) Savannah best part of the trip--the look on his face while we were standing at the door!!! I can't elaborate because I don't want to incriminate myself.. I still chuckle at his expression!!! He was very confused when he thought he could once again be a fucking dick to me... Not this time sweetpea!! I arrived home at 8:00 am thanking God that Rabdy Silverstine would no longer be in my life......

Warning to all women dating in their 40s... Never give in!!!! Be polite-never be a pushover-look your best-never ever give yourself freely and quickly-and always see the light!!! Lol and never try and get between a man and his lover a camel.... Lol

Addicts

The chaos is not only external; such as, inability to maintain  a relationship, codependency, showing up late, or not at all. The real chaos is internal-?can you imagine what rums through an addicts mind when they lay their head on the pillow. 

A lot has happened in a year

1. I love my beautiful daughter more today than yesterday 

2. I filed for legal separation

3. I totally removed ed from my life

4. I met an amazing man, Joe! Oops Joe is no longer in the picture -- joe is back in the picture 

5. I met Greg instantly fell for him- I acted like a bitch when he did something so kind for me...?wtf is wrong with me!! So Greg is now gone- it makes me sad 

6. Michael called today - sounds interesting--- think he's one of those, ." Wanna go back to my place" I'm gonna name the guys The Fuckers"!their mission is to get laid !! They are kinda fun to mess with... Sometimes I don't even bother,... 

7. Insanity went on in Wilmington and holy shit!!!!!  Let me say it again HOLY SHIT

Let's save that story for another day

Texas

I'm leaving for San Antonio, TX Thursday... I'm very excited.... I'm staying at a highly recommended hotel, the Hotel Contessa... I'm hoping to travel through the state, seeing places I've never seen, and eating fabulous foods from brazillion steak houses to BBQ huts on the side of the road... I can't wait to meet these people who are from a state in which they believe they should be their own country.... SC is a state of very proud people... We succeeded from the union first, we have/will fight other states regarding our beliefs... South Carolinians are just as proud as texans... Should be a great vacation...stay tuned.... Will try and post while I'm there....

Texas was better than I couldv'e imagined......nicest people, beautiful area, and amazing things to do and see... Don't forget the food..... YUMMMMMM

The Single Life

Well... It's true- I am single again. I filed for separation from Ed and we are living a part. In the beginning I was very happy and ready to close this chapter... I still am but sadness has set in- I'm going to face this sadness and loneliness head on- like always I will not be defeated! I will never go back into such a toxic relationship- lies lies and more lies- guess its karma since I have lied so much in my life. Today I try hard to be honest about everything. It's not always easy and facing consequences is not fun, but it's well worth it.  I'm not sure if I'm really allowed to date or not... But I think I'm ready... Stay tuned for a 40 something year old woman's dating experiences....

1. Met a man at T-Bones on Lake Wylie- DISASTER! He talked about all of his sexual escapades and weird stuff- then tried to kiss me... Not happening!*** this date has kept me from more dates. But not for long!

2. Went to the beach with a friend - not speaking anymore- he couldn't sell me house so hit the floor in a full on temper tantrum and we haven't spoken since. Lol true story!

3. Currently corresponding with an older man who happens to be vacationing in Europe- we are going to meet when he gets back (he lives in Irmo- near Columbia, SC) I may have to pull up my mature panties and not act so silly-hmmmm wonder how long that will last?

This picture is the way I feel- can Humpty Dumpty be put back together again???? Do I need a man? I need a job! A man will come....

Myrtle Beach

I have been going to Myrtle Beach my entire life...and I must admit it is not my favorite place....however, I took a trip to the beach for only one night....It was the BEST beach trip I have had in a long long time!!!! Took me forever to get out of Rock Hill (nothing new)-nice ride down-so nice it seem to only take a short amount of time to actually arrive at the beach...

I went to Murrell's Inlet for dinner-I don't eat at Murrel's Inlet much anymore because Cindy's condo is in the complete opposite end of the beach. I went to Flo's--this use to be a favorite of mine and one of my ex-boyfriends...When I walked in the entire restaurant had changed-it had been added on to and was much nicer than I remember. **I loved the way it use to look-it looked more like a locals hangout than anything else...I ordered crab cakes (not the best crab cakes I have ever had-Ruby Tuesday's are actually better and I hate restaurant chains). While I am sitting there my waitress comes up and says the nicest thing(s) to me...**Can't include in my blog at this time*** 

As I was sitting on the balcony looking out at the beautiful black ocean I saw this orange light in the distance...My eyes are not in the best shape anymore...so I kept staring at it. I thought is that a boat-maybe a shrimp boat, maybe a gambling boat...what could it possibly be??? -it was calm evening-few waves and only waves breaking at the shore....so I could see (in a blurry haze-because of my poor eyesight) where the ocean met the sky...As I sat staring at this orange light it began to get closer to me..I soon realized it was the MOON!! Beautiful and I could not capture its beauty with my iPhone...It was amazing...a sign? 

I went to bed and I was worried about being able to sleep....I drifted off pretty quickly and when I awoke it was morning...

I went for a short walk on the beach-looking for shells, for solitude,  and for peace...I found all three!! It was before 10:00am and there were not a lot of people...there were beautiful shells that had washed up along the shore-so I picked up a few and kept them....I then found a quiet place-  I put my towel down and just sat there looking at this huge body of water in front of me...The sun was shining down making it look like diamonds sparkling on the water....with my mind racing as it typically does-I found it difficult to just chill....I kept refocusing my attention and it worked...I was able to just sit....

Once showered I went the old pavilion and walked around finally ending up on the sling shot! Fun fun